Broken China
by TheWubber
Summary: Gaz can't take her life anymore. She's been having constant dreams of her attempted suicide. Strange thing is, she wants them to come true. Is there someone who'll love her enough to be her superhero? (Rated M for violence, suicide/attempted suicide, and limes, also ZaGr. Chapters may be a little overdramatic.)
1. Chapter 1

**_Broken China_**

**_Chapter 1_**

Gaz sat up in her room with the door locked. She was sitting on her favorite desk chair, staring at something a few feet away from her. Her knees were pressed against her chest, and her eye liner-colored tears were staining her pale legs. Her pajamas were wrinkled frayed from use.

She was sobbing softly and thinking a million thoughts per second. Should she do it? No, she had to do so many things. Her hands reached to her arms, feeling the past wounds. They vibrated, making Gaz uncomfortable with herself.

She was staring at an old friend of hers. A small razor blade, still somewhat stained with her remains. She was considering whether or not to use them again.

When she had first cut herself, it had been purely a test. She had wanted to test herself, see how much she could do to herself before actually feeling pain. It wasn't until then that she realized she was numb.

Her father was barely home, she was a fighter at Skool, she was getting constant detentions, and her brother was completely oblivious to her, mainly because of his paranormal studies. While she wasn't really in pain, she still felt empty. Her numbness could only be replaced by the blood on her blades.

She kept to herself, and lived in complete solitude. No one bothered to talk to her. She always felt alone, like she had nobody to turn to when worse came to worse. She didn't want anyone, yet loneliness burned inside of her being. She needed someone.

How could she find someone so stupid? She always covered her body in black long-sleeves and jeans. Her boots were of the sharp variety, and blacker than night. The only purple on her anymore was her hair, and she never wanted to change it.

Suddenly, there was a knock on her bedroom door. She looked up, not bothering to wipe her tears away.

"Who is it?" Gaz asked.

"It's your father," a deep male voice said through the door. "Gaz, I'm worried about you. Open the door."

She growled to herself. "Dad, I'm fine. Though this is the first time you've ever cared about me." The purple-haired teen muttered the last part to herself.

"Gaz, your brother told me how you've been acting lately."

That little-! Gaz felt a little angry now, but she just grabbed her razor and pressed her thumb against it. She soon felt a small tingle of feeling run through her, reminding her that she is indeed alive. A familiar smell of copper kissed her nostrils.

She hissed as her father began to knock even louder. He was demanding that she open the door immediately. He suddenly heard something, something like soft sobs. Professor Membrane began to pound the door, shaking the knobs.

Meanwhile, Gaz was slicing at her incredibly pale legs. The blood made a lovely contrast of color, and she thought that she would paint it later. That was one of the only things that made her smile. That and her study in video game designing.

Now she was on a road to nothingness, to the point of wrapping her hands around her throat and squeezing until she felt the familiar tingling numb surround her. The colors reminded her of sleep, how painfully relaxing it was. Sleep was one of the only things keeping her sane. It was like dying, without the commitment.

Now, as she cried and watched her blood run down her arms and legs in bright streams, she waited for her father to find her. She just wanted him to stop pounding on the door, he'd ruin it, and she really didn't want to fix the hinges on her own again.

"I'll be right there," Gaz called loudly, clearing her throat. She stood up, and blood dripped onto the floor.

As she stumbled to the door, she felt herself draining of consciousness. When she opened the door, she looked up at her father, smiled, then collapsed. He yelled her name, and the last thing she remembered was seeing her dad calling his coworker on his wrist phone.

-Hours Later-

Gaz woke up, dazed. Then, after some explaining from Dib, who had waited for her to wake up, she remembered that afternoon. She looked at her arms and legs, and smirked with a tremble. The numbness was starting to fill her again.

"Gaz, as much as I hate to say this," Dib said, hesitating, "dad's hospital can't replace all of your lost blood. You're gonna have to see someone else." He almost gagged, it seemed. "I think I know who."

Gaz raised a slender eyebrow. "Who?"

Suddenly, she saw a flash of ruby and jade. Her head began to put the pieces together as a figure of the same color scheme appeared before her, in a wrist transmission.

"Hello, Little Gaz," an annoying voice said through the call. "I see you've injured yourself and you need my help."

"Shut up Zim!" Gaz yelled. "I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help!" She sat up quickly, making her skin burn like nothing she'd felt before. Ignoring it, and even liking it a little, she snarled at the alien boy. "You guys are both idiots. I didn't want to be fixed!"

"What are you talking about, Gaz?" Dib asked warily.

"I wanted to die!" Gaz shouted. She began to breathe a little heavier, and she began to sweat heavily. She also felt herself drifting away.

She then woke up, panting and crying. She checked her arms and found the faintest white lines on her white skin. Her legs were the same. It wasn't until a little while later that she remembered that she was home and hadn't attempted suicide.

In all honesty, she was a little disappointed.

**_End of Chapter 1_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Broken China_**

**_Chapter 2_**

**_(A/N: Fun Fact Time, that little bit about Gaz choking herself was something I did for while, a few months, actually. I didn't tell any adults ((I would tell other people my age about it, and even demonstrate how I would go about it)) until maybe a couple of weeks before school ended, which was in May. It was a horrible habit that I was sure was an addiction. The feeling I got from it was indescribable, at least not completely. How I described it with Gaz was the best I could put it into words. But, I've almost done it again a couple times, but kind of haven't. I feel like it started a lot of generalization on me, but, as long as I don't hear it, I couldn't care less._**

Alright, enough of my rambling, I just thought you'd all like to know that. ^^

Enjoy the story!)

Gaz sat in bed, not wanting to fall back asleep. She thought about how her dream had happened, the rage she had felt when Zim and Dib didn't understand that she had tried to kill herself. She wondered why Zim had struck such a cord with her, why it had offended her so badly.

"Don't tell me..." Gaz groaned, flopping onto her back. "...am I actually considering Zim?"

She thought about everything, her family, her social life, her jobs, her skool work, and it all came down to one little bugger: Zim. She heard his voice surround her in a sad melody. She thought about some recent music she'd been listening to. It was all weird, stuff like Korn and Creature Feature. But, if you caught her in a decent mood, she'd be okay with love songs.

As strange as it sounds, they mellowed her out while making her angry. The singer that got her the most was Demi Lovato and her most recent songs. They reminded Gaz of when she was confused about falling in love. It always terrified her.

Zim, however, was both a sweet dream and a nightmare. His vicious personality and cute laugh were what made him attractive. His newly acquired height of six-foot-three, cool green skin, and sharp claws were what made him sexy. His slightly annoying voice and strange mannerisms were what killed his sex appeal.

But, as scared as she was, the more she analyzed it, the more Zim's ugly sides became beautiful. She wasn't exactly an angel, so his violence didn't phase her. She liked it, actually.

After around ten minutes of just thinking of Zim, she realized something: when Zim crossed her mind, she didn't feel alone. She actually felt the opposite.

His lanky arms wrapped around her waist and his lips were whispering sweet nothings into her ear. He was slowly kissing alone her jawline, kissing her lips. They undressed. They spent their nights together. They grew older together.

Gaz's eyes shot wide open, and she blushed heavily. Sometimes her visions were just too vivid. As she tried to keep from pleasuring herself, she strangled and bit down onto a pillow she'd been using for this purpose for years now. Only before, it was out of anger. Now, she was longing for love and lust, and she was all hot and bothered.

She squirmed in her sheets and felt on her pillow like it was Zim. Just as she was really getting into it, she remembered something. Dib would never allow her to be with Zim. As much as she hated it, when there was an order, that order was her anchor. Something made her obey commands. Of course, only to a point. She could actually be quite dominant.

Her own viciousness got her to a good amount of detentions. One too many fights had gotten one too many calls to dad. Of course he was never really there, and this bothered Gaz. The teachers had tried to get her to talk to a counselor, but she always refused.

Well, considering how confused she was about Zim, and her most recent dreams, she might have to. She even decided on wearing something she would've when she was younger and dreaming of the furture.

Digging into her closet, she found some tights that were purple and silver striped, a dark purple tank top, some old segmented silver gloves, and a silver tank top. She thought she'd wear her boots with the ensemble, but her stance would be a little different. She'd always known that confidence is key, so she knew that tomorrow would be a locked door.

As she examined the outfit she'd lain carefully on her desk chair, she thought about how this would affect her social life. Would some people notice her? Would they be less intimidated by her?

All of her past outfits were pitch black, and they didn't point out Gaz's smallish breasts. She was somewhat insecure about them, and her chubby figure. She wasn't overweight, but she wasn't skinny. It drove her insane. She couldn't lose any weight, no matter how hard she worked out. Plus, her breasts were doomed. She was already seventeen, and they'd only grown to a B-cup last year.

The only thing that she like to show were her fighting abilities. She ran the Hi Skool, no questions asked. She'd been running it like it was her kingdom. Obey or be beaten. Of course, she had morals, limitations. There were certain people she'd gladly beat down to a pulp, but others she knew she just couldn't touch.

Would this new attitude change everything? Would there even be a scale anymore?

Gaz wondered if she was overreacting. However, her thoughts went back to Zim. She soon began to think of how this older outfit would hug the curves of her body. Then, Zim slipped back into her mind. He was running his claws along her sides, snaking his tongue up and around her neck, bringing up the past self-abuse. He acknowledges her scars by kissing them softly, and hugging Gaz's waist. She gasps lightly, as her neck is normally sensitive.

"Gaz, it's time to go to bed," Zim says, confusing Gaz. "It's Skool tomorrow."

Snapping out of her fantasy, Gaz sees Dib standing in her doorway. He held in a snicker as she was hugging herself and panting in front of her mirror. She blushed heavily and threw something heavy at Dib's giant head.

"Get out!" She yelled.

She thought, yet again, about how much her mind was creating Zim scenes these all of a sudden.

Caressing tomorrow's outfit one last time, Gaz finally went to bed, drifting off into a deep sleep.

Gaz woke up in a heavy state, but still noticed she'd woken half an hour before she should have. She smiled slightly at this and sat up. Yawning and stretching, she finally stood up and stumbled to the bathroom. Dib wouldn't wake up for a while, so she had a bit of time to herself.

Grabbing her hairbrush, she got to work. Her hair had tangled up quite a bit, so she must have had an active dream. For a little while, she didn't even think of Zim and felt dark again. As she brushed her teeth, put on her makeup, got dressed in her new outfit, and ate breakfast, the familiar numbness surrounded her. She looked for something to pass the time when she finished her cereal, and saw her Game Slave V. Smiling, she opened up an old favorite of hers, Vampire Piggy Slayer.

When she looked at the Slayer in the beginning, she noticed something odd. He looked familiar, but she couldn't tell who this character was reminding her of. Then it hit her, just a she heard the shower turn on.

The Slayer looked just like Zim.

Suddenly, she turned to mush again, and played the game with much more ferocity than usual - or needed. She beat at least five levels in two minutes. When Dib came down the stairs, it was five minute until their bus would come.

"Should we get going before you break that thing?" He asked warily.

Gaz stood up, saving her game and shoving it into her bag. She looked up, and without even opening her eyes, said, "Whatever."

She started walking, and made it to their bus stop. When she got on the bus, her neck nearly dropped to the floor.

Since when did Zim ride the bus?

He motioned for her to sit next to him, and she obeyed. He looked her in the eyes.

"Gaz-human," he said lowly, "have you been having suicidal dreams with me in them lately?"

"Yes...why?" Gaz replied, feeling herself draining very slowly. "Have you?"

"I can't sleep myself, but I've been pulled into your dreams," Zim said, glancing at Gaz's arms. "I saw everything."

**_End of Chapter 2_**


	3. Chapter 3

Broken China

Chapter 3

Gaz stopped functioning. All she could think about was what Zim had said. He had seen everything? Just what part of everything was that? She blushed heavily yet again, only this wasn't a fantasy. This was a complete nightmare.

"How long have you felt this way?" Zim asked, looking into Gaz's shot-open eyes.

"N-not long," Gaz stuttered, staring at her hands, which were clutching her tank top tightly. "I mean, that's as far as I-I know."

"I want to help you," the alien boy said seriously, his voice low.

Suddenly, a small "thip" was heard as a drop of blood fell onto the bus seat. There were a few more, and Gaz looked up. Blood was trickling down her nostrils.

"Wh-what?"

"I want to help you get over your depression," Zim said warily. "What IS that coming from your nose? I saw it on one of GIR's shows yesterday, but they didn't say what it was. All they said was, 'Oh my God! You're bleeding!' I didn't understand it."

"That's what this is called, blood." Gaz replied, sighing.

She started to dig into her book bag and muttered obscenities. When she found what she was looking for, she pulled it out. It was a tissue. Zim wondered why blood has come out of her nose. When he asked about it, she froze again.

"Uh..." Gaz trailed off. "It's because...um...it's been really dry out lately. It happens sometimes."

"I feel like you're lying to me," Zim said, narrowing his eyes and leaning in closer to Gaz.

She couldn't breathe. At the moment, she hated emotions and wanted this to stop. Enough was enough, right? Zim stuck out his tongue slightly, and Gaz trembled. It was achingly close to her lips. She figured he was doing it out of concentration, and not to tease her.

But still...!

Gaz stuck out the tip of her tongue ever-so-slightly, and Zim noticed. He pulled away quickly. Gaz was both relieved and disappointed.

Then, the Skool came into view. Gaz slumped in her seat. Zim watched her from the corner of his eye, and noticed how red her cheeks were. Was that "blood" too? Ah, humans were confusing indeed. He just didn't understand why he'd stopped trying to rule over them.

Looking away again, Zim remembered those fantasies of Gaz's. He exhaled slowly and let a goofy grin cross his face. Truth is, he'd really been there. He's done those things to her, just not physically. Judging from her actions, she'd apparently enjoyed them.

When they got to the Skool, both Zim and Gaz were hot and flustered. Gaz, however, hid her problem. Zim didn't know how to, so he flaunted it out like it was his own face.

Gaz tried to keep her breathing steady in class as her mind couldn't stop. She just kept imagining scenarios with Zim and how he could touch her, make her his. She was keeping herself composed, besides a long series of wriggles and a tiny moan now and then.

Zim couldn't hear anything the teacher was saying; Gaz was pulling him back in. He was secreting Irken sweat and panting. His claws were digging into his scalp and desk. His segmented tongue poked out of the corners of his lips.

This was their whole morning until lunch time, when they both asked to be excused to this restroom. When they met up with each other, Gaz melted with shame and excitement. She stared at him with desperation in her eyes. Zim gave a similar look, only a little more exaggerated.

"I need you," they said in unison.

Gaz slapped her hand over her mouth. Zim took her wrist and examined her hand. It was trembling. He flipped it over and looked at the bottom of her forearm. Little white lines covered it, bathing her milky white skin in past sorrow and regret.

Zim lifted it to his lips and gently kissed her scars. She froze (yet again) with shock. He wasn't disgusted? He didn't think of her as some stupid self-pitier? He was actually making her feel...special.

Without thinking about it, Gaz yanked Zim's lips from her arm to her own luscious lips. For the first time ever, Gaz really felt alive. She could feel the pulses of Zim's energy passing into her own. It was electrifying, how it felt to kiss Zim. He began to run his claws along the side of her body.

When they let go, Gaz felt somewhat satisfied. She didn't want her first to be at Skool, anyways, so she was okay with waiting. She just hoped to God that he was.

"Okay, we'll finish this, uh, later?" Gaz laughed nervously.

Zim grinned, his pale magenta zipper teeth showing.

"Very soon, my dear little Gaz," he said, kissing her the top of her hand."

End of Chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

Broken China

Chapter 4

When the time finally came to see the counselor, Gaz tried not to think of Zim. After their kiss, she found it quite easy. Her frustration was healed, and since he showed such a tender nature to her scars, she felt confident about everything.

When she knocked the door, a female voice told her to come in. Gaz obeyed, and walked into the room. It was as drab as Dib described it. The counselor, the third since Mr. Dwicky left to travel the stars with the "fake" aliens Dib thought he had made up to lure Zim into a trap.

"Hello, darling," the counselor said with a fakely chipper voice. "What can I do for you today?"

"I need to tell someone this, and you are one of the only people I think to tell this to." Gaz sighed, wondered about how to go about this, then held out her arm to reveal her scars to this woman. "These are a little old, and I nearly did it again. I even had a dream last night about me attempting suicide. My brother, Dib, and his enemy, Zim, were there, and they didn't understand why I tried it. Zim was the first to ask about it, and it got me so angry that he didn't get it. My brother only made it worse, but it wasn't as bad as Zim. Then, I've been having these weird thoughts about Zim. I know that this is a little inappropriate, but I don't get it. Can you help me?"

"Let me ask you this," the counselor said slowly, her voice suddenly sounding natural, "when you have these thoughts about this boy, do you feel the way you did in your dream?"

"No, actually. I forget all about the darkness and numbness," Gaz answered. "I actually feel really light when I think about him."

The counselor smiled and leaned back into her chair.

"Have you spoken to this boy about these...thoughts?"

"Not about that directly. But, he kissed my scars and I nearly lost it."

With a small nod, the counselor asked, "Would you like to hear my opinion as another girl?"

Gaz shrugged, then nodded.

"I think you're in love, Gaz."

Her face turning red again, Gaz stared at the woman wide-eyed.

"What about my cutting?"

"Honesty, being involved with this boy may actually be good for you. As long as you stay on kissing."

Gaz looked at her arm, and felt like an idiot. Was she really so absent-minded and proud to admit that, through so much resistance, she had fallen for Zim? It seemed so. She suddenly thought of Demi Lovato, and her songs again.

A certain one showed up. "Catch Me."

As Gaz finished her session with the counselor, she closed the door and thought about her life for a moment. How had it changed so quickly? She hadn't been this frustrated since she started cutting. Not that she was proud of it, she just hasn't cared much about herself to think any less of it than she did.

It was simply something to rid of the pain, like the zombies in Return of the Living Dead. They had something, like a painkiller. The only difference between her and them was that they were hurting other people, and she was hurting herself.

Now, she had an intergalactic drug. Zim was just amazing, the way he was able to make her feel just so special. When he kissed her arm, so many feelings at once, but the one she felt the most - in the most clichè way possible - was just overwhelming affection and, disgustingly, love for Zim. Him and his big head that just would NOT leave her alone.

He just kept touching her, and kept making her feel flustered.

Stumbling back to class, she slipped back into her fantasies. She know somewhat knew of Zim's being there, just not how much he really wanted to do it. As she sat in class, she again felt herself breaking away from reality and falling into yet another fantasy about Zim.

Zim sat in his chair, finally being able to listen in class when his vision blurred, and he was finding his head to be bobbing up and down. Suddenly, it slammed onto his desk with a bang, and Dib stared at him.

'I wonder what's up with Zim?' He thought quickly, but looked back to the board right away when the teacher slammed a ruler against the desk.

When she felt that everyone was looking at her, she faced the board again and focused on her lesson of doom.

Zim, however, was going through the tension again as he panted and sweated and scratched at his thighs. He was sure that he'd drawn blood, but he couldn't feel it. He was too busy with Gaz in her fantasies.

-Fantasy Time-

Gaz looked around and found herself in a large garden, which was bright and beautiful. She felt amazed and touched a rose, but it wilted under her touch. She gasped and yanked her hand away, staring at it. Then, Zim hugged her from behind.

"Zim, be careful," she warned him. She stared at her hand as she flexed the fingers. "I think I kill anything I touch."

Zim growled slightly into her ear, and grabbed her wrist. As he stared into the palm, he made it caress his cheek. Gaz was astonished. She was able to touch Zim, ZIM of all people, and it wasn't doing anything to him.

"See?" He purred, kissing her cheek. "You're fine. Harmless."

Suddenly, his tongue snaked out and along her arm. The wet, thin, slimy object made Gaz shudder more than once, but in a good way. When he reached the bottom of her arm, she nearly collapsed. It was so much more sensitive there than she even remembered.

"Zim..." Gaz muttered. "Oh, God, Zim..."

She needed him now, and when he looked into her eyes with his magenta orbs. She inhaled slowly as his face inched closer to hers, getting temptingly close. She leaned forward as well, touching his cheek. Zim snaked his tongue off of her arm and spun her Round quickly. His arm wrapped around her waist, suddenly pressing his lips into hers forcibly.

Just as she was finally settling into it and enjoying herself quite a bit, Gaz was snapped out of her dream by the teacher's ruler.

Zim picked up his head and shivered, wiping the sweat from his forehead and went about the last five minutes of his class.

When Skool finished for the day, Zim and Gaz found each other. They gave one another a smile, instead of the former desperation. Zim offered his hand, and Gaz grasped it lightly. As they walked to the bus, many children made jokes and were shocked by the affection Zim and Gaz were showing to each other, but they still feared Gaz to the point of paranoia. Zim, they now feared and respected for even going near Gaz.

Gaz grinned as young boys and girls squatted and covered their heads. Zim rubbed his thumb along her hand and looked at the joy that appeared in her eyes when she felt other people's fear.

"I take it that you like this type if attention?" He asked.

"I love it," Gaz answered. "I love being the top of the food chain. It's just great."

Zim smiled and kissed Gaz's cheek. As he did so, Dib stared bug-eyed at the duo at the top of the Skool's steps. What had she done?

His heart broke in half at the betrayal. He then felt a rush of rage pass through him as he stomped towards Zim, ready to kill.

End of Chapter 4


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